Mediatakeout.com presents: EPIC FAIL: NICKI MINAJ

Rap star Nicki Minaj was on GOOD MORNING AMERICA performing. When all of a sudden . . . PLOOP!!!

Huffingtonpost.com presents: EPIC FAIL..or..WIN? LADY GAGA

Lady Gaga, is that you?

The ubiquitous popstar is known for her wildly diverse and, ahem, unique wardrobe, but behind all the fishnets and religious iconography and houndstooth, there is the unmistakable face of Gaga shining through. That may all change on the cover for her next single, "Yoü and I," which she tweeted on Friday.

Pictured is the model Jo Calderone, who, if you're a major Gaga fan or fashionista, you know is the drag alter-ego of the Grammy winning popstar, this cigarette-smoking tough with a whole bunch of attitude.

"You will never find what you are looking for in love, if you don't love yourself. #You&ISingleCover," she wrote on Twitter, promising to release the single's music video when she hits her 1000th tweet.

What remains to be seen: whether this is a better disguise than her panda bear costume.

MEDIATAKEOUT.COM PRESENTS: J.LO AND DIDDY ARE BACK TOGETHER

MediaTakeOut.com has just received some EARTH SHATTERING NEWS . . . Jennifer Lopez and rapper/mogul Diddy are DATING AGAIN!!!

According to an EXTREMELY RELIABLE MediaTakeOut.com snitch, Diddy and Jennifer had all but BROKEN OFF communication when their relationship ended nearly a decade ago.

But, the insider claims, Jennifer REACHED OUT to Diddy late last year - when she realized her marriage to Marc Anthony was NOT WORKING.

The insider, who is CLOSE TO DIDDY, told MediaTakeOut.com, "[Diddy] was not expecting Jennifer to call him. They hadn't spoken in years, and all of a sudden, she's calling and texting."

But it wasn't just CALLING and TEXTING, our insider claim that on AT LEAST TWO OCCASIONS, Diddy and Jennifer actually PHYSICALLY MET UP!! And while they can not say whether or not anything POPPED OFF between them . . . you can decide what YOU THINK happened.

Anyways - J Lo and Diddy kept in contact for months and last week,we're told that the two WENT ON A DATE!!!

MediaTakeOut.com EXCLUSIVELY learned that last WEDNESDAY NIGHT Jennifer Lopez FLEW INTO New York City and went on a date with DIDDY . . . at New York's top restaurant PHILLIPE CHOW.

According to one person who was THERE AND SAW IT, "Diddy came in quickly and immediately went to the private area . . . about 20 minutes later J Lo went in. I was in shock."

DAYUMMMMM . . . we KNEW this was going to happen . . . Cassie Kim . . . back to the BACKGROUND FOR YOU!!!

Shout outs to the huffington post on this one: JLO AND MARC ANTHONY ARE FILING FOR DIVORCE

Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony are divorcing.

The couple, married since 2004, released a statement to People Magazine about their split.

"We have decided to end our marriage. This was a very difficult decision. We have come to an amicable conclusion on all matters. It is a painful time for all involved and we appreciate the respect of our privacy at this time."

Parents to three-year old twins, Max and Emme, the couple dated first in 1999; following their breakup, Lopez dated and married Chris Judd in 2001, with the marriage lasting only nine months. Then Lopez dated Sean Combs, aka Diddy, and then Ben Affleck. In the meantime, Anthony married former Miss Universe Dayanara Torres before they split, as well.

Lopez and Anthony began dating again in 2004 and were married soon after. Back in February, Lopez said Anthony wanted more kids together.

For more, click over to People Magazine.

MEDIATAKEOUT.COM PRESENTS....EPIC FAIL: LLOYD

R&B singer Lloyd must be UPSET with the way that rival singer MIGUEL is gaining momentum. And so he took a very RADICAL step . . . to try and build up some BUZZ. . . .

Lloyd . . . . we like your music and all, but . . . what THE F*CK were you thinking!!!

MEDIATAKEOUT.COM PRESENTS...EPIC FAIL: THE BAD GIRLS CLUB

MediaTakeOut.com learned that TWO of Oxygen's reality starlets - Natalie Nunn and Lea Bieulieu got FREAKY during a flight from Cleveland to Miami. The two ladies got DRUNK . . . and TOOK OUT THEIR BREASTS.

We're not trying to start no mess . . . but isn't that a FEDERAL OFFENSE to do this on a PUBLIC airplane. Homeland security might have to look into this . . .

MEDIATAKEOUT.COM PRESENTS... EPIC FAIL: EDDIE WINSLOW

Karrine "Superhead" Steffans is one of the MESSIEST chicks in the history of MESSINESS. Over the weekend, her ex-husband Darius "Eddie Winslow" McCrary put her ON BLAST on Twitter . . . calling her a STALKER.

Well Superhead didn't like that. So she sent us a LONG LETTER (beow) putting dude on EXTRA BLAST. Most of what she said was pretty PREDICTABLE . . . blah, blah he wants to get back with me . . . blah, blah he BEAT me . . . blah blah. You know, the ISH we've come to EXPECT from Superhead.

But then she threw us through a WRINKLE. Accordingto Superhead Eddie Winslow CHEATED ON HER during their marriage - with a 400 POUND porn star named MISS MINA. DAYUMMMM!!!

If you're interested in reading ALL of Superhead's messiness - here it is:

While you were Twittering with Marlon Wayans, proclaiming I was a stalker (among other things) did you tell him how you dropped your restraining order against me? Hmmm...did you tell him that you've been over to my place at least 10 times in the last month?

And, if you try to deny it, I'll have the guard pull up the drive-on records. Thanks.

And are you telling the lovely people on Twitter how you told me you want to repair our relationship and that I am the one who is not interested? That I told you, "we can be familiar, but we cannot be friends" much less anything else. How about when you told me I'd "have to remarry" you. And what about when you talk about the kids we're going to have? And how much you love me and can't stay away from me?

Are you telling them that?

No. You're not.

And let's address your claims that I'm a bad mother. Remember how you put that out there? Yet, you're the one fighting in court for custody of your kid because you took him from his mother and she wants her son back �� and for good reason! And what about those two child abuse cases against you with the Special Cases Unit of the Los Angeles Department of Children and Family Services?

Good daddies don't have those.

But, you're not telling Marlon Wayans and the rest of the Twitter-verse that sh*t, huh? No, you're not. Nor have you mentioned that you called family services on me after they first came to investigate you out of revenge when it was your son's mother who reported you and not me.

So, riddle me this �� if I'm such a horrible person, why are you still around? And why are you so quick to bash me, publicly, but not so quick to jump on Twitter and tell the whole world that you're trying to reconcile with me?

And that you spent over an hour on the phone with my father, yesterday, and that you still call him "Dad". You've never even met the man!

Knock it off.

Did you Tweet about the money you gave me for household bills just last week? And even before that? Or a few weeks ago when you took my kid out for the day? Or about the days we just spent in June, laying around the house, eating, drinking, laughing, and just being cool with eachother? What about all the times before that?

No. You don't tweet about that.

And did you tell Marlon Wayans that you invited me to the set of that pilot? And that I got a text message from your phone that was meant for another woman and that's why you got your ass embarrassed on set?

No. You told him I just showed up like a stalker.

But, you married me anyway, didn't you? Do I have to post the license? And who marries a stalker? Who marries a bad mother? Who marries a horrible woman. And, who still comes around after the divorce if a woman is so bad?

Oh...

And did you tell the public about the 550 pound porn star with whom you had an inappropriate relationship while we were married? And that you filed for divorce the day after I discovered the emails? And that you stole my computer when you left, thinking you'd gotten rid of the evidence? Well, that's what wireless back-up systems are for.

And don't deny it. I still have the emails and all the pictures and videos she sent you.

You didn't tell the people that, did you?

And I won't even talk about all the times you've choked me or beat me with belts �� and that time you were on probation in 2004 for roughing up another woman.

Yes, I have the court documents to support that, too. Van Nuys Court Case #4PN02221

Yet, you want people to believe I'm lying about the documented abuse in our relationship? With 6 police reports to support it?

Why don't you Twitter about these things?

And the time I jumped on the back of your car to avoid getting ran over...did you tell the people that you made my son cry that night? All that day? Because you promised you would come for him and you never did? That you'd been promising him for weeks and never showed up for him? And how that broke his heart?

I don't know one mother that wouldn't track your sorry ass down, demand the $5,000 ring off your finger that she bought, and proceed to let you have it!

I guess you forgot to Tweet about that, huh?

And does anyone realize you've been married and divorced three times? This is what you do. This is who you are.You're the common denominator.

It's just crazy that you pick and choose what you want to announce to the world and, while you're happy to degrade me in public, you find it impossible to tell everyone how much you love me and want so much to repair this bullsh*t relationship. How you can't stay out of my life or out of my bed �� how you leave work and head to my place for dinner and to spent time with my kid, talking and playing video games, insisting you want to "find a way to make this work."

See, all my dirt is in the open. I put it there. But, I've been silent for years, haven't I? There is so much I have not said. Unlike you, I don't have to pretend to be good. I'm a bad girl by design. But, I rather be that than a coward and a liar. And I don't have to proclaim someone else is bad to make myself look good and I don't feel the need to have anyone on my side.

I operate better alone.

When I told you how much the things you say in public hurt me, you laughed at me and said it was all "so insignificant." The strange thing is that when you're disrespectful to me, you think it's funny �� but, when I get disrespectful, you stop laughing.

MEDIATAKEOUT.COM PRESENTS: THE MOST RATCHET PIC OF THE DAY

IN TODAY'S EPISODE OF ASIAN PEOPLE DO THE DARNDEST THINGS . . . LOOK WHAT THIS DUDE GOT TATTED ON HIS NECK!!

MEDIATAKEOUT.COM PRESENT...LIFE AND TIMES OF MS. AMBER ROSE......as much as I love Wiz. I kinda saw this comin...

MediaTakeOut.com just got word of an EARTH SHATTERING REPORT . . . and it came from a SUPER-DUPER-RELIABLE insider in the YOUNG MONEY camp.

According to our insider, Amber Rose had an INAPPROPRIATE relationship with Nicki Minaj's boyfriend Safaree . . . and that she sent him NEKKID PICS of herself . . . giving her cooch the DUECES!!!

The insider tells MediaTakeOut.com, "At Nickis birthday in Vegas on [December 9th] weekend, Nicki caught her boyfriend Safaree in Amber's room . .. she knew something was going on." And there's more, "Later to find out by going into Safaree's phone, [Nicki learned] that Amber was sending Safaree naked pictures of herself via bbm."

The photos that Amber sent to Safaree can be found HERE (Warning - they are EXTREMELY graphic. The pics were NOT photoshopped.

So what happened next? Well Nicki initially BROKE IT OFF with Safaree. Safaree later CONVINCED Nicki that NOTHING happened between him and Amber . . . and that Amber was just a SMUT that was trying to GET WITH HIM. Nicki eventually BELIEVED Safaree and took him back.

But as for Amber . . . Nicki Minaj HATES HER. She gave orders that NO ONE in YOUNG MONEY is to speak or associate themselves with Amber Rose . . . that includes WEEZY, DRAKE . . . er'rybody. And Nicki says that if ever she sees Amber . . . she promises to BEAT HER AZZ!!!

MEDIATAKEOUT.COM PRESENTS... EPIC FAIL: EMINEM....I LOVE EM TOO BUT SH*T HAPPENS KIDS

O . . .EMMM . .. GEEE!!! WE GOT CLOSE UP PICS OF RAPPER EMINEM . . . AND HE LOOKS LIKE A 60 YEAR OLD MAN!!

MEDIATAKEOUT.COM PRESENTS... EPIC FAIL: PRINCE....

SHOCK PIC!!! NEW PHOTOGRAPH SUGGESTS THAT LEGENDARY POP STAR PRINCE . . . USED TO BE A TRANNEY!!! (EVIDENCE)

MEDIATAKEOUT.COM PRESENTS...UTTER RATCHETNESS

NUH UHHHHHHH!! WE'VE SEEN SOME REAL GHETTO WEDDINGS IN OUR DAY . . . BUT THESE WHITE FOLK HERE . . . UN-FREAKIN-BELIEVABLE!!!

MEDIATAKEOUT.COM..PRESENTS...EPIC FAIL: SOULJA BOY...FINALLY!!!!!!!

PAUSE PAUSE PAUSE!!! RAPPER SOULJA BOY SHOWS OFF HIS NEW HAIR . .. HE'S A BLONDE!!!

OUR 1ST GRAND!!!!!!!!

MUCH LOVE TO EVERYONE WHO VISITED MY WEBPAGE WWW.THRUTHELOOKINGLASS920.BLOGSPOT.COM WE ARE OFFICIALLY BEYOND THE 1000 VIEWS MILESTONE APPARENTLY YOU GUYS LOVE THE CELEBRITY FAILS AND RATCHET PICS WE WILL KEEP EVERYTHING COMIN AS LING AS YOU GUYS KEEP HITTIN US UP!!!! PLZ FOLLOW THE BLOG AND DON'T BE AFRAID TO COMMENT MORE SOON. THANKS

MEDIATAKEOUT.COM PRESENTS...THE MOST RATCHET PIC OF THE DAY

WE'VE BEEN LOOKING AT THIS FACEBOOK PROFILE PIC FOR ABOUT 30 MINUTES . . . AND WE CAN'T FIGURE OUT IF IT'S A BOY . .. OR A GIRL!!!!

MEDIATAKEOUT.COM PRESENTS...EPIC FAIL: KAT WILLIAMS...A PUMP NAMED SLICKBACK

COMEDIAN KATT WILLIAMS LOOKS LIKE NOW . . . HE LOOKS LIKE AN OLD . . . BROKE DOWN PIMP!!!

MEDIATAKEOUT PRESENTS..EPIC FAIL: RICK RO$$AY

THAT SURE IS NOT BOSS!!!

MEDIATAKEOUT PRESENTS...EPIC FAIL: J.LO...NIPPLEGATE?

SHOCK PICS: ONE OF JENNIFER LOPEZ BOOBS POPS OUT . . . AND SHE GOT HUGE. . . HOCKEY PUCK NIPS!!!

MEDIATAKEOUT.COM PRESENTS...EPIC FAIL: CAMERON...THE COOKIES AND APPLE JUICE EDITION!!

MediaTakeOut.com received the following pic. It is ALLEGEDLY rapper Camron and an INTIMATE friend of his. If it is dude, shouts to Killa Cam. We appreciate a dude who ain't afraid to GO ALL THE WAY IN!!!!

Mediatakeout presents...EPIC FAIL: 50 CENT

50 . . . dude . . . WHAT THE FREAK???? We don't care WHAT movie role they got you in. There ain't NO reason to come out looking like this . .. .

Mediatakeout.com presents...WTF???

This RATCHETNESS was found inside of a Los Angeles parking garage. . ..

MTO WORLD EXCLUSIVE: WE'VE CONFIRMED IT . . . RIHANNA AND DRAKE ARE DATING . . . AND DRAKE IS IN LOVE!! (PICS OF DRIZZY SUCKIN ON RIH'S NECK INSIDE)

MediaTakeOut.com was the FIRST news source in the world to tell you that Chris Brown was dating Rihanna. We were ALSO the first news source in the world to tell you about the SHOCKING DETAILS that broke them apart.

Well now we're the FIRST NEWS SOURCE IN THE WORLD to tell you about her newest relationship . . . . with rapper DRAKE!!

According to a rock solid SNITCH close to Rihanna, Rih and Drake have been CASUALLY seeing each other for more than TWO YEARS . . . and now they are OFFICIALLY A COUPLE!!!

The insider explained to MediaTakeOut.com, "Drake was been trying [to get at] Rihanna for a while. At first [Rihanna] didn't like him because he wasn't EDGY enough for her . . . but he worked on her, and now she's into him."

But while Rihanna's into Drake . .. Drizzy is REEEAAALLLY into Rih. The insider told MediaTakeout.com that Drake is IN LOVE!!!

Well they make a nice looking couple. Oh, and this is not a RUMOR it is fact. Check out the below pic taken on SATURDAY. It shows Drake EMBRACING Rihanna . . . and giving her a peck on the neck!!!

Members of the press are REQUIRED to credit MediaTakeOut.com. If you do not, we will NEVER credit you and NEVER link to you on ANY of your exclusive reports.

E3 2011 PRESENTS.....ASSASSIN'S CREED REVALATIONS!!!!

CAN YOU SAY EPIC?

E3 2011 PRESENTS.....HALO 4!!!!

THATS RIGHT HALO FOUR WILL BE THE FIRST OF A WHOLE NEW THREE GAME TRILIOGY FEATURING THE CHIEF HIMSELF...AND WE HAVE THE TRAILER THANKS TO THE GREAT TEAM OVER AT G4TV.COM

Cracked.com Presents...Umbrella: The Most Wasteful Movie Corporation Ever by Luke McKinney

The Resident Evil films are bsolutely riddled with plot-holes, ridiculous contrivances, and terrible, terrible dialogue. In other words: They're pretty faithful to their source material. But perhaps no element of the series is as unbelievable and ill-conceived as the villainous organization behind it all: The Umbrella Corporation. There's so much wrong with Umbrella and their "build a better zombie" business plan, it's hard to pick a place to start. But they seem particularly terrible at resource management, and in every movie they manage to develop the most advanced technology on Earth, only to use it for the most helmet-wearingly retarded purposes.

 

#3.

 

Supercomputer AI

In the first Resident Evil, Umbrella created the world's first true Artificial Intelligence. And in the RE Universe, you can drop the word "Artificial" and that sentence would still be true. Umbrella builds a viral research lab to develop and perfect their zombie formula (because they know what the consumer really wants: The Undead) and of course they do so directly under a civilian population center. In perhaps the only rational decision ever made by Umbrella, they realize they really shouldn't be in charge of anything, and develop an advanced AI to put in control of it instead. But when the shit hits the fan (as is wont to happen when you build a shit factory right beneath Fan City,) the AI does its job and seals the lab to prevent further casualties. Umbrella's response to their program doing exactly what they built it do was, for some reason, to send a security team in to override the whole god damn thing. Then, after the first team is murdered by the murder machines they built in the murder factory (that at this is point is totally sealed off, remember,) they send another. They make it very clear they will just keep sending teams into the "Pit of Bad Idea" until everyone on the entire planet is dead, and by the third film, they actually manage that.

But despite what the entire running time of Resident Evil tells you, there was only one protagonist in that movie: Not the sassy Latino, not the tough as nails black guy, not even Milla herself - no, the only good guy in that movie is The Red Queen supercomputer (the "evil" Artificial Intelligence from above.) She's literally the only one, anywhere, that thinks perhaps unleashing the zombie death-plague is just maybe not the best idea. If she has a failing, it's only that she's the least user-friendly Graphical Interface since someone installed Windows 98 on a guillotine: She's a blood-red hologram of a creepy seven-year-old girl. She looks like the offspring of every Japanese horror movie raping each other, and while she's got enough supreme mastery over the entire laboratory complex to kill every single person who comes anywhere near it, they apparently forgot to give her so much as a twitter account to tell those people not to come near it.

For the purpose of determining exactly how stupid the human "protagonists" are by comparison, we've developed the Zombie Movie Intelligence Test. The test is simple: You count how many seconds pass between the first time our heroes see a zombie, until they shoot it in the head. Then you just subtract that number from 100 to find their IQ. Applying this test to Resident Evil, we find our heroes have scored a new world record: -1100 points. It takes the Umbrella employees an insane twenty minutes to rediscover headshots. They expend most of their ammunition (and half their team) in a single firefight, and they don't hit a head once. Never mind basic survival, that's statistically impossible. They hit the walls, the roof, the floor, and destroy the "safety controls" on the experimental mega-zombie containment units littered about the room, which releases even more undead; they shoot so badly they actually increase the number of zombies.

In fact, while every other zombie movie has the hero inevitably trying out a headshot when all else fails, our heroes have to be told pointblank that shooting something in the face might kill it. By the supposedly "villainous" supercomputer! They reward her sage wisdom by opening every compartment in the leaking viral weapons lab, releasing even more powerful super-monsters, ignoring her final pleas to at least leave behind the obviously infected soldier and not spread the plague to the outside world, and ultimately by killing her. So while most people came out of Resident Evil thinking they'd just witnessed a happy ending to a stupid, traditional action movie -- where the good and noble soldiers triumph over an evil computer -- Resident Evil is, in fact, the first post-modern nihilist action movie: The world is ultimately destroyed because everybody ignores the hero for the entire movie, until they finally just kill her.

#2.

Genetic Upgrades

In RE: Apocalypse, Raccoon City is now a zombie-infested wasteland, Umbrella have sealed off the entire city and decided that this is the perfect time to deliberately unleash two more unstable experiments. Presumably on the grounds that they can't make things any worse, and just like their company motto says: They're wrong again.

Umbrella genetically upgrade the protagonist from the first film (Milla) to become a perfect assassin, on the grounds that she's already betrayed them in the previous movie, vowed vengeance upon them after they kidnapped her generic love interest to turn into a monster, and also because they all got their PhDs in Retardology. This mutated love interest is the crux of Umbrella's role in the second film, as he roams the city stalking Milla. So what's Umbrella trying to accomplish here? Even they don't seem to know: The entire experiment (the "NEMESIS project") apparently only exists in the first place to test if a surgically mutilated environmentalist can win against civilian peace officers when he's equipped with impenetrable body armor, a Gatling gun and a rocket launcher. To which the answer is "Of course, assholes." You do not need mutated super-strength to pull the trigger on a bazooka: WE HAVE THOSE NOW. PEOPLE USE THEM.

Ultimately the former love interest catches up to Milla, and Umbrella force a mixed martial art competition between the two - complete with ring and stage lights (yes, they actually import stage-lights into the middle of a city of brain-dead beasts, to better recreate the pay-per-view event this "scientific process" was based on). Because apparently "retarded killer attacking unarmed supermodel" yields important, relevant scientific data in the RE Universe.
SPOILER: Forcing your horribly mutilated secret weapon hippie to give up his weapons and fight his old friend works out even more exactly like you'd expect than you'd expect.

#1.

Human Cloning

Milla died at the end of Apocalypse (the mysterious power of something called "helicopters" succeeding where virally engineered super zombies have failed - who knew?). But in Extinction, Umbrella celebrated by resurrecting her, upgrading her with massive powers, and letting her go. AGAIN.

I'm fairly sure she won't kill us this time.

This was despite lab technicians reporting that her "powers, both physical and mental, are developing at a geometric rate." See, most bad guys are quitters - their plans end with the destruction of the world, as if that was any reason to stop being an incredible asshole. But even after Umbrella's zombie clusterfuck ends humanity as we know it, executives can apparently survive where even cockroaches commit suicide out of lonely desperation. And, because even in the apocalypse you have to play to your strengths, most of the executive scenes involve them still having board meetings to discuss percentages and job stability.

He'll make a great VP; I can see he's hungry!

The star dickhead is CEO Albert Wesker, who manages to hybridize two previously unrelated types of douchebag: "wearing sunglasses indoors guy" and "guy hiding the fact he's clearly been infected." He couldn't be more obviously T-virused if a zombified B.A. Baracus was actively biting him every second of screen-time.

Though it's nice to see they've still got dry cleaning after the Apocalypse

Oh, and after pointlessly killing everyone on Earth, they perfect human cloning technology and don't use it to build an army; they use it to clone more people to pointlessly kill them instead. Umbrella wastes an absolutely perfected human cloning process (and by 'perfected' we mean 'it only clones Milla Jovoviches,') and use it to stick every version of her they create in a surrealistic nightmare assault course where blades and mines jump out of hospital corridors. The obstacle course scene opens with subject 88 unsuccessfully navigating the course and being killed, which of course means that they did this eighty-seven times previously. And nothing's going to beat that for squandering resources: Somewhere in the Umbrella budget, there is a massive, multi-billion dollar cloning wing set aside solely for the purpose of dismembering naked Ukrainian Supermodels.

"This seems really wasteful: I have to find a new way to maintain an erection."